So in my last post I ended things on the up note proclamation of adjustment, and while I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, I want to further clarify what that means in my life — both specifically and in the abstract.

First, the specific (big to small, small to big, big to big, whatever, I’m not sure).

• Sailing; the kind of which that inspired this site, is — as I’ve decided to label it — on temporary indefinite hold.  A tough one to wrap my head around, for sure, but heeling for extended periods of time, on either side of the boat, high or low, is extremely taxing on my neck.  I’m not sure when or if this will change, but for now I’m taking stock in rest, design ingenuity or a really big cat showing up.
• The wheelchair; this is kind of a tricky one because I have a bit of a balancing act going on already.  On the one hand, the acoustic chair — the chair I use on the track for my exercise routine — causes far less pain and allows me more uptime without pressure problems than my electric chair. Which is cool.  But on the other hand, I’m far less independent.  Unlike the acoustic chair, the electric chair allows me the freedom to take off and go where and when I please.  The only problem with this chair (again) is the pain it causes me and now having to stop every 30 m or so to let the function in my driving arm return. Under the best of circumstances, this latter fact, might be be a bit sketchy when crossing long intersections. Still, the give and take/pros and cons of either chair is forcing me to assess what I want from my life and to some extent reshape what my independence means to me.
• Exercise; over the last 6 months or so I’ve had to face the fact that — for the time being, at least — I’m not the same guy, speed or distance wise, I once was. Instead of a mile and a half on the track, I can now only do a mile in the same amount of time. At first this was frustrating as hell, but I’ve since come to a place where if I’m still able to do it, and I can feel it, I’ll take what I can get and let time sort out the rest. We’ll see what happens.

The abstract (where I get all metaphysical on ya).  Over the years I’ve come to a pretty clear understanding that everything is borrowed.  And what I mean by that is this life — our health, our bodies, our families, our lovers, our spouses, our friends, the sun, the stars, the Earth, war, platypuses, our favorite Mexican restaurant, record collections, family heirlooms, houses, iPads, etc., all of it — are temporary phenomenons and will fade away.  You can count on this.  But what won’t fade away is this moment — right here, right now — and that’s pretty compelling.

So when I speak of adjustment in terms of the above understanding, what I’m really speaking to is greater awareness.  It’s the ultimate task at hand.  I know this to be true, yet I’m still not all the way there.  Sometimes I try to cling to that which can’t be clung to, and I slip out of the moment; getting hung up on the temporary and what I think should be.   When this happens, I suffer, and that’s when — as in my big WTF? in my last post — I miss what’s really going on and get lost in what’s going away.  And I know better.

Understanding — or better yet, knowing — everything is borrowed is a powerful catalyst to remind us about what isn’t, and also to facilitate a greater celebratory appreciation of all that will leave us.

Just as life means nothing without death, love means nothing without hate, light means nothing without the dark, so too is it true with that which lasts and that which doesn’t. Letting go of anything — even, well, you know — is an adjustment well worth making, and makes everything a whole lot easier to roll with… and I’m so ready to roll.

So in the spirit of change, let the recalibration begin!

pau.